The Other F Word: How failure can be the key to your success
Published Various 2005
Thomas Edison has done it. Naomi Watts has joked about it. Sylvester Stallone mastered it. Even Abraham Lincoln earned a name for himself for it. But this is not something that's reserved for a chosen few. We have all experienced it. In fact, most of us experience it fairly frequently. Some more than others.
It's known as the F word. No, not that F word.
The other F word.
Failure.
Hang on, stay with me. It's not that bad, I promise. The thing is, we all experience it from time to time but what I can't understand is why isn't anyone talking about it? We're so afraid to mention the big F word as if we might jinx ourselves with it, avoiding anything or anyone that looks like they might have been struck with the failure stick. Except those we see as ‘successful’ often claim they couldn’t have ‘made it’ without making friends with failure first.
Sylvester Stallone wanted desperately to be a star. He knocked on many doors only to be told he couldn't speak well enough to be an actor. No agent would represent him. So, he decided to write his own film and play the leading character. In an attempt to get the film made, he knocked on door after door. And one by one, the movie houses turned him down.
Determined to get his film made, Stallone persisted until finally a studio agreed to buy the script. There was one condition: Stallone was not to be in it. The studio offered him more money than he'd made in his entire career not to act.
He turned them down.
Finally, after years of persistence, someone finally said 'yes' and agreed to make Stallone’s movie. With Stallone himself as the star. And so began the phenomenal success of Rocky.
As another example, we know Thomas Edison as the inventor of the light bulb. This invention changed our world. What many don’t realise is Edison made over ten thousands attempts before he actually came up with the correct solution. Those ten thousand 'failures' enabled that one successful attempt to be possible. And we have electric light!
And then there are the 'overnight' successes. When singer Jessica Simpson first auditioned for a spot with The Mickey Mouse Club, the launching pad for most teen pop musical careers, the producers opted to go with another star-in-the-making by the name of Britney Spears. Simpson was devastated. When most of us would have given up, Simpson shrugged it off and went on to become a star by taking another path.
Actress Naomi Watts almost threw in her acting career after 15 years of playing second choice for leading roles. She landed the lead in Mulholland Drive just as she was ready to quit acting for good. She is now one of the most successful Australian actresses in Hollywood.
And there are so many more of these stories!
Most successful people have first made dozens, hundreds, sometimes even thousands of attempts before finally hitting the jackpot. Truly successful people don't see failure the way the majority of people see it. Nor do they attach the experience to themselves and see failure as a character flaw. Rather they see failure as opportunity to refine and improve. If something doesn't work, it simply means there must be another way. A better way. As training guru Dale Carnegie once put it, 'The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.?
A friend of mine recently sold his company for tens of millions of dollars. What people don’t see is the years he spent starting companies and losing money, and not just his own money. It would have been very easy for my friend to give up after the collapse of his first business and having to face his many unhappy investors. But that's not how successful people work. They don’t see failure as failure. They see it as another step on the road to success. My friend is now on his way to selling his second business.
The way we deal with failure determines our ability to create and experience success. By changing our attitude towards failure, this in turn changes our experience of it. No longer is failure something we have to avoid at all costs, becoming instead something we can look to for opportunities to change, improve and make better. This is what separates the extraordinary people from the ordinary. Failure is an opportunity with a capital O.
Most people who are successful today are in that position because they have failed many times first. It's their relationship with these failures that have determined their level of succees. Unfortunately, in our society we prefer to focus on the success stories rather than the stories that helped such people achieve their success. It's as if it's not okay to be honest about our struggles when if it weren't for our struggles how can we achieve anything? Achievement and success is only possible with failure.
There is nothing shameful about taking risks in life and attempting to express the very greatness that lies in all of us. It's always great to hear about someone who is enjoying a ride on the wave of good luck but it makes for an even more interesting and captivating story when that success was won in the face of adversity and yes, failure. These are the stories that books and movies are made of. These are the stories our lives are made of.
So, if you've found you've hit a snag and you're contemplating throwing in the towel and giving up, stop. Take a moment to breathe and contemplate the so-called failures of those who have gone before you. Ask yourself, 'what can I learn from this experience and how can I do it differently the next time?' Remember, it’s always up to you how you choose to see your experiences. They are either failures or stepping stones on the path to your inevitable success.